Thursday, July 13, 2006

Friendships

My previous post about coming to terms with infertility got me thinking about coming to terms about the relationships in my life. Let me just start out by saying that I am a loner. I enjoy being by myself. I don't particularly like social situations. I don't shy away from them, but I don't really like small talk. I have been content so far in my life with the friends I have. But I have yet to admit that those friendships have changed. When do you admit that someone who was once your best friend doesn't really know you anymore? That is where I am at with a woman who use to be my best friend. I don't know what I expected. It's not as if I have moved mountains to stay close. It is okay to admit that we have changed and we are different people. We live in different places and even when we lived only 88 miles from each other we hardly saw each other. We are both independent women. This is not a good combo for keeping a friendship together. I guess you always remain friends with those who once played a vital role in your life, but you don't look to them for the support and companionship that they use to provide.

I feel as though I have lost something that was special. But I can't have what it was. I must redefine what the relationship will be in the future. As we grow and our lives change we must continually redife the relationships we have. I worry about the future. Why you ask? Well I will need to make friends. I like having friends--most of the time. I have to admit though that I don't really put forth the effort to maintain them. I wonder why? Why do I let the relationships rot? Why do I need nurture them and make the stronger? Do I not value myself enough to nurture the things that would add to my life? Is this why I let all of my house plants die?

Who has the answers? Anyone?

2 comments:

Fizzle said...

Hi Dawn. I have the answer. Okay, I don't. But your post spoke to me because in my not so distant past I had similar feelings. I'm social by nature and make friends easily but struggled with maintaining relationships. Particularly with women.

Here's some stuff to mebbe explore. And seriously, if I'm too opinionated, delete my comments. Do you have issues with trust? Are you sensitive or afraid of getting hurt? How comfortable are you in expressing yourselfs?

I read you often. You are thoughtful, enthusiastic, you think about the world. You are very loving and committed. These are wonderful traits in a friend.

In my case, I was trying to avoid getting close to people. And women, well, they're a tough breed. The positive is that, with a lot of soul searching, I'm at a far more comfortable place and have built relationships. Still not fantastic at it, but MUCH better.

Dawn said...

As we evolve it becomes more evident that people are really around for a reason, season, or lifetime. Some people fade away only to be replaced by others with whom you are inclined to connect at that time. Sometimes letting go can be difficult but sometimes the best thing you can do is just let some folks fade away.