Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Looking Inward

As we age and acquire more things we begin to see the emptiness that material things bring. As hubby approaches 40--only a couple weeks away--and as we get closer to being parents we have started too look into the reasons for our sometime strong discontentment with life. One of the things that has come out of this is that if you can't fix the problem--stress is just a fact of life, as is work, and studpid people--then you have to change the way that you think about the problem. If stress is a problem for you and you think you shouldn't have any than you will go to extremes to relieve the stress, but if you change your thinking, to admit that stress is just a fact of life, you will learn to deal with it better and accept it, etc.

This whole thing has really been spawned by my own stress about being a single income family. It will be tough, as we have some debt. Not so much that we are weighted down, but enough that I don't particularly like it. If only I knew then what I know now. Much of our debt is adoption related and will go away once we get our tax refund--once our adoption is finalized. I have talked about working for my mom in the evenings this winter--she has an ice skating complex. I thought that I would work, make a some extra spending money. But is it really worth it. One , I don't particularly like working for my mom, nor do I like working at night. Nor do I like being away from hubby and by then baby will be home too. It is the curse of the middle class--make more to spend more or spend less.

Spending less seems hard. Things always come up. I need new glasses and contacts, the car neeeds new tires, we need life insurance. Some one is getting married and we need to buy a gift, I am in a wedding, need to buy a bridemaid's dress, etc. I know that if I am really careful, we can easily live on hubby's salary and it will only be tight for a few months. Then we get our tax money and then hubby gets a raise and a bonus in March. Freeing myself from the concern of money is liberating and it is allowing me to really appreciate what I do have. I have a family and hubby that I love and that is really all that matters. I am in control and can decide what is important and what isn't. Going to dinner and having new shoes is not important. Loving my hubby and my baby is. Being there for my family and raising a child is.

I feel as though this is completely disjointed, but it is my reality at the moment. Cut expenses that don't really add value and move on. That is my new motto. I am all about adding value not volume. I hope I can make it work.

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