Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Information Black Hole

That is kind of what I feel like I have been sucked into. As though I am trapped and unable to have any information. Like I have been sent to my room without dinner. I knew going in that International adoption was like this. I knew info would be hard to come by. But nothing can prepare you for the realities of how hard it is and what it feels like. We received and accepted our referral 5 weeks ago. I have gotten a picture of our little one with his welcome bag--so I know that arrived, but that is all. I have no idea if he has had any more medical problems or tests. I don't know if he is eating or sleeping well. I don't know if he is gaining weight. I don't know if the paperwork is being worked on. I don't know when we will get to travel. I don't know if we will get stuck in the court closure. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

I know....What do I know? I wish there was more info available. It would ease my anxiety. Oh who am I kidding, no it wouldn't. I would obsess just as much if I was getting weekly updates. I just hate to not be getting any info. I know there are others who have been where I am, on the receiving end of nothing, while others get info. How do we slip through the cracks? The same way anything or anyone does I guess. I don't for a second think that my agency is purposefully forgetting to update us. It just happens. I feel bad wishing it wasn't me. But if it wasn't me, it would be another family. Well that isn't good. I don't want it to happen to someone else. That certainly isn't nice. I just wish we could all get the same info. Oh I have become an idealist. When he hell did that happen?

Maybe this all stems from my chosen position as an outsider. I have always stayed on the periphery. I am not a group person. I don't go out of my way to be included in activities. This has always been a choice I have made and I don't really know why. Interesting. If I had a couch here I would lay down and analyze myself. Thank goodness I don't. I am making myself crazy--well atleast a little more crazy than usual. I am hungry for info and am starved from it. Doesn't everyone know that starvation diets don't work? Come on read the literature. Ugh...I seem to be saying that a lot lately. 7171 minutes left til the end of summer school. Then I can obsess full-time. OH JOY.

1 comment:

Meepers said...

Hi! I just came by (via your nice comment on my blog) to say hi. Ended up staying and reading all your archives. Noah is SO CUTE! Those lips! Those big beautiful eyes! You must be nearly crawling out of your skins with the anticipation.

Have you stopped by The Naked Ovary? Karen has been waiing for over eleven months for her daughter Maya from China - plus she and her husband did a bunch of IVF's, etc. No longer how long or short the wait, I'm always amazed by the courage of you adoptive moms (and dads).

Good for you for hanging in there - I look forward to seeing the pictures from your "Gotcha! Day".