Saturday, May 13, 2006

Now what?

I don't know exactly how I feel about this whole having to wait thing. I know, from Merrily, that I will not really hear anything until the case is ready to be filed in court. It just seems sureal to not know what is going on but to know something is going on. It is like being called to the principals office and seeing him in there talking to your partner in crime or you the parent and the student who recently failed your class and not being able to hear what is being said. You know they are planning and preparing to deal with you but you aren't sure how it is all going to go down. That is the exact feeling I have now. I know the wheels are in motion but is it a good motion? a fast motion, a slow motion, or a "don't know where we are going" motion? The sad part about this is, it simply doesn't matter. No amount of obsessing will bring my child one day closer to being home, and yet I simply can't help myself. I am hoping to get through court before the closure. I think/hope that our chances are pretty good, as we accepted him right away and I scanned and emailed the placement agreement immediately so that the ball could get moving. WOW. The ball is moving and I have nothing to contribute to it movement, course and speed.

So what did I do? I registered at Babies R Us. Oh what fun it was. Oh how hard it was. There is a lot of stuff out there, and a bunch that really doesn't seem all that necessary. But I registered for what I really thought I needed and things I am pretty sure that I will need in the future but may not have the time nor money to buy. So we shall see how it all works out.

I am creating a book for baby Noah. It will contain the info we received on him, his first blood test results and subsequent results. The first pictures and my first thougts and feelings about our son and my new role as mom. Then as we get pictures from others and have events and showers, and parties etc. I can document those for him. It makes me feel good to be doing something.

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