Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Trying to hang on to my sanity

We are still patiently [ha ha] waiting for our referral. I am not dealing with the waiting very well. I am slowly starting to lose my mind. We are trying to keep busy, but it is nearly impossible to stay busy enough. I don't understand how it can be so difficult to get the serum that is needed in Ethiopia to do the PCR/DNA HIV tests. It saddens me to know that our baby is alive and living without us somewhere. Getting older by the day while we wait here in the dark not knowing who our baby will be and when we get to meet him or her. I am starting to get a little anxious about what those first moments of motherhood are going to be like. I hope that I am not disappointed with what happens. I don't expect our baby to adjust immediately but I am hopeful that the transition will be somewhat smooth. Maybe I am naive...

My husband and I are going to continue on our journey to have a biological child as well. Hopefully that will work out better than it has in the past. My heart aches to be a parent and I don't know what I am going to do until I am a parent.

On another subject. My baby brother, Jeff, is nearly a day into his adventure up Mount Everest. I can't believe he is insane enough to take on such a task. He is at a turning point in his life and is searching for something. I hope he can find it on his journey to the top of the world. He is a wonderful man who needs to find his place in the world and the truth that lies in his heart.

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