Sunday, October 08, 2006

I'm so frickin' tired

of people telling me that now that we have Minnow it will be no time before we are pregnant. As if it was that easy. This irritates me on so many levels. It makes me think that the 5 years of trying--all the different fertility treatments, all the drugs that have been pumped into my system--didn't really count. I am so sick of people who take pregnancy for granted. I am happy for those who don't have fertility problems and really never had to deal with them. But don't you dare tell me how easy it is to get pregnant and now that the stress if off it will happen. No if won't. Please try to understand that there are issues that you might not understand or know about since you didn't have a problem getting pregnant. I am losing my ability to be kind to these people. Why can they not accept the fact that we know why we are infertile. We know the cause--at least the main cause. I have PCOS and because of that I don't ovulate on my own. It just doesn't happen. I barely grow big enough follicles on max does of clomid/repronex/ and gonal-f. I mean seriously, adopting one child isn't going to make my PCOS go away and all of my hormones work the way they should. People refuse to accept that sometimes a woman just can't get pregnant. We, well I face the fact that my eggs--when I do ovulate with the above drug protocol--may not be very good quality. I am at my wits end when it comes to people telling me, "I bet in 6 months you'll be pregnant." Well step on up. I will take that bet and I will win because I have a frickin' medical condition.

The above medical reason is one of the reasons that I really want to lose the weight. It will not make the PCOS go away but it will help me be more responsive to the drug therapy that is used when trying to get pregnant. Losing weight will help me control a little more the hormonal imbalances that PCOS causes. But because of the PCOS it is harder to lose weight. As PCOS causes excess estrogen which is stored where??? Anyone??? Fat cells. So, my body is reluctant to give up the fat cells making me have to work a hell of a lot harder to lose weight. So, to all of you out there who may know someone having a hard time getting pregnant. Please don't tell them it will happen, it only takes time, you just need to relax. Those might be great consulations to someone who had only been trying for 3 months. But for those of us who have been trying for years--chances are we having something medically wrong with us and it isn't that easy. And to hear the above things really minimizes the true struggle we are going through. If you haven't dealt with infertility you have no idea how it errodes you own feelings about being a woman and having the ability to do what you can to sustain the species. It also errodes your confidence about being able to provide your husband/partner with a genetic/biological child. It is really the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. So next time you hear someone discuss their fertility troubles if you can't say anything but on of the above now forbidden things--say nothing at all. Give her a hug if you know her well and maybe even if you don't.

7 comments:

Ginger said...

AMEN!!! Dawn, I know just how you feel...if I had a dollar for ever time I've heard, "well, now that you're adopting you'll get pregnant", well, I'd have enough to pay for our next adoption. I actually started sarcastically responding that well, even though adoption takes time, if I had only known that we never would have spent years trying, I mean silly us to actually try doctors first. My in-laws are the worst at this (which makes it hard to keep the peace with them). Everytime I see them they ask if I'm pregnant, but not in a really nice way, its like, "oh, you're fatter, are you pregnant?" ughhhhh!!!. My husband and I have finally started saying that of course if that happens, any child is a blessing from God, but we are very happy to keep adopting because for us it is the same and there are so many wonderful children out there.

5KidMom said...

Ugh!! People are SOOOOO rude! and CLUELESS!!

I am just thrilled that Minnow is home. If, at some point, with lots of medical intervention, pregnancy happens later, I'll be thrilled about that too. 8^)

Kristen said...

I have also heard that many times and to me it hurts because it makes me feel that my adopted child is somehow not good enough to these people, and so I just got him to take the pressure off and have a bio child. I agree that it should be banned from all conversation!

Anonymous said...

Tell it D!! You speak the truth.

All love,

Karianne

Bob & Tanisha said...

AMEN!!! I am so sick of people's lack of understanding when it comes to infertility. Some of the comments are down right devastating. I have written about this a couple of times on my blog, and like you, I am finding it very hard to remain kind.

Nike Giwa said...

I totally understand your frustration; I have PCOS also. People truly don't undersatnd the havoc it can wreak on one's body. Hang in there! Nike

Anonymous said...

me too! if i had a dime for every time someone said that to us about adopting/getting pregnant...

jk